Category: Comedy Stylings

My Crazy Traveling Friends…Whom I Love

A few years ago I came up with this random travel goal: for my country count to always be at least twice the number as I am years old. I am now 38, and have set foot in 70 countries at last count. I have hardly traveled at all this year, and most of my 2012 travel was to Mexico, so I’m six countries behind my goal as a result.

But it doesn’t matter so much anymore. I don’t feel the hurry-up-and-travel clock ticking the way I once did, and frankly, the exhaustive travel pace that allowed me to visit so many places – most of them over a single eleven-year span – was starting to wear me down. I won’t make it to anymore new countries for the remainder of 2013…and I doubt I’ll hit up any new countries in 2014, either. (The money has finally run out, Loyal Reader, the money has finally run out.) If this makes me sad, I at least take some degree of comfort knowing that I’ve seen more corners of the world than perhaps any of my crazy traveling friends…the majority of whom are no travel slouches themselves.

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Metro Daily

Holy guacamole, Mexico City’s metro is a behemoth. Twelve lines, 201 kilometers (almost 125 miles) of track, roughly 1.5 million daily riders. On a normal day I ride the metro anywhere from two to eight times. I should rephrase that to say, I ride it at least twice daily, but seldom have less than one transfer in each direction.

The metro first opened in 1969, with Linea 1 running from Observatorio station in the west to Pantitlán station in the east. The newest line, Linea 12, opened last November (as if to welcome me to my new home). I don’t know if plans exist to lay new track or expand existing routes (expansion is greatly needed) but I know this much: the metro is cheap, efficient, crowded, hot, smelly, safe, and – every once in a great while – fun.

Each line has its own personality. I have ridden every line except for Lines A and B, neither of which serve any points of interest for yours truly, and both of which pass through some rather dodgy places. Below is my attempt at capturing what a typical ride is like, using Metro Line 2 as my point of origin. This blog is also an attempt at comedy writing, so if it all sounds a bit too negative I’d remind you that the best comedians are often the most cynical ones. Here goes:

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Stinking Badges

One of my goals, both short and long-term, is to get a job teaching English, a job I can live on. I figured Craigslist was as good a place to start my job search as any, and in less than 30 seconds I was already overwhelmed by what I’d found. Half the jobs were either bullshit or too far away. (Apparently there’s plentiful employment in Santa Fe, the wealthy, non-pedestrian-friendly far-western “burb.” Think Oak Brook if you’re from Chicago, Long Beach if you’re from Los Angeles or Arlington, VA if you’re from Washington, DC.) Perhaps 20 percent were for 7 am lessons, great except that I don’t even go to bed until about 3 am. The remaining 30 percent were in my target neighborhood, fit my desired salary, or simply sounded cool. Some didn’t even required TEFL certification (which I don’t have regardless, although I plan to change that beginning early 2013). Most, however, required Spanish fluency.

Houston, we have a problem.

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